Former intern details affair with JFK

>>> during the summer of 1962 mimi alford entered the whougs. she would have a formal affair for 18 months until his dechlkt she kept a secret until now. she's written about the affair in a book called "once upon a

secret: my affair with john f. kennedy and its aftermath." good morning, mimi. good to have you here.

>> thank you.

>> how are you doing? it's been over a week?

>> iemt doing incredibly well, i'm so surprised. i think it has to do with finding my voice and feeling confident about that and also understanding that other people have their voice, and it's -- whatever criticism i've had, i feel that in a way i almost welcome it. it's making me understand what it is to have a voice. i feel actually liberated.

>> i mean it's an understatement to say people have their voice. i've been priv yo to a number of water cooler conversations this week. everybody wants to talk about this and talk about you, and many of the characterizations are harsh to put it quite bluntly. are you such prized -- in this book you almost invite people to judge you. is it a surprise people are judging you?

>> i'm not sure it's -- no, it's not surprising to me. it would have been in 2003 when i was outed by robert dollack. what i've had to do is silence myself again, even though i admitted the truth. but i really silenced myself. this is very different and it's been very interesting to me because the writing of the book was one piece and having to relive all those memories and now talking about it is a whole other step. i think that's what really -- the importance of my story is. that's what it's called.

>> of course, the big part of the story is the first time you slept with the president, it was in jackie's bedroom. at that moment had you decided this was a one-time thing, never again in.

>> in that moment in mrs. kennedy's bedroom, i don't think after that i decided anything. i think i was just in way wondering what had happened.

>> was this an affair? was this an assault? what was it?

>> i don't think it was either of those. i didn't feel that it was an assault, and i wasn't really sure what it was or what it turned into.

>> in the fall of 1962 you said that there with us a pregnancy scare and the president basically said take care of it, didn't want to deal with the idea of a baby. and the next year his son patrick dies prematurely. in the book you write about watching him grieve and the first time you had seen anybody grieve on that level.

>> right.

>> so when you're thinking back to your pregnancy scare, were you surprised at the different president kennedy in those situations?

>> no, because the pregnancy scare, i didn't feel that it was sort of you take care of it. it was, this is how we would help you. so i think that being with him --

>> go see this doctor.

>> when he was grieving for his lost child, that's what i focused on as a good part of him.

>> you said you originally were supposed to go to dallas with the president in november of '63. at the last minute jackie goes instead. you were at the gas station when you hear the news about his assassination.

>> yeah.

>> what was your reaction?

>> it was probably like everybody's reaction. i was absolutely stunned.

>> but the stunned feeling that most people felt was the loss of a president.

>> that's right. it was a dcombination.

>> but you'd lost a lover?

>> yes. i lost someone i'd had a relationship with for 18 months. it with us shocking.

>> and you could not grieve publicly at the loss of a lover.

>> no.

>> you could grieve at the loss of a president like everyone else.

>> i couldn't even grieve at the loss of a president because shortly after that, i really accepted the demand to be silent, never discuss it, never tell anybody. so i actually never got to grieve, even for the loss of a president.

>> this was the end of the relationship obviously. where in your mind was it going up until that point?

>> i probably didn't think too much about where the relationship was going because i was engaged to be married at that time.

>> were you going to continue the relationship even as a married woman ?

>> no, i don't think so. and the president also knew that i was getting married. i think the relationship had come to an end.

>> as we look at this story and inevitably we're going to judge, who's the injured party here? you or the presidentso?e

>> i've been the injured party if you look at what the story's done to me, leaving me with this secret i've lived with for so long and not be able to resolve those issues and really have my voice. that's where the injury is. i think a piece of me was shut down and silenced, and it's really taken this long for me to understand what it is to be opeopen and to have a voice.

>> lastly, back to those water cooler conversations we've all been having about this book, the question i keep asking in this discussion is what does she want us to do with this? read this? what are we as the reader --

>> i think it's an interesting question. thing a lot of people are doing different things with it. i've actually heard from a number of young women who heard my story and my book has opened a conversation for them to deal with secrets in their life in situations of being silenced and not being open. so that's a way that people look at their own lives.